Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Perfectionism. Right now it's not very likeable.

I get mentally restless a lot. My brain rarely shuts up. There is always something in my head screaming for attention- do this! Do that! Do everything at once!

Sometimes it's a good thing. I'm very prone to procrastination, so having a nagging mind-voice telling me to get things done is good.

But lately I have been realizing something else about myself and that mind-voice.

I am a perfectionist. I want to do everything that I can [im]possibly do. And when I'm not able to, honestly, I feel like a complete failure. When I don't finish my to-do list quickly, I get frustrated. When I listen to, or talk to, someone who is doing something that seems so-amazingly-important-and-epic, I look at myself and the tiny-by-comparison things I'm doing and feel like a dud. If I can't, or don't, do X, Y, and/or Z (and do them excellently, too!), I somehow feel like I don't measure up, like I'm not a worthwhile person. The list goes on.
Needless to say, this is a constant battle.

So I'm wondering, readers, is this something you struggle with as well? How do you manage to not drive yourself crazy (or at least not into a sulky I'm-a-horrible-person mood?)?

My fiance keeps telling me to let stuff go, but that is so hard when for some reason I think everything I am/should be doing must be done or I and what I do becomes worth little more than a Ritz cracker. Heh. He even brought me a book, Martha to the Max, written by somebody like me who somehow figured something out about dealing with this possibly-useful-but-turned-awful thing called Perfectionism.
I'm looking forward to reading it. Because dealing with this constant mental push-and-pull is, well...making me frustrated, basically.
Such a vicious cycle!

Chazak,
- Hannah

6 comments:

  1. Pray and ask God what He wants you do each day. He will lead you in His priorities. You are far from a failure. Are you taking on things you shouldn't be taking on? I know that you will say NO! :) I love you, and I believe in you. You are very special to me!!
    Mom

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    1. Thanks. I don't know...I could be, but it is difficult to tell when everything seems so important. :/
      I love you too!

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  2. I'm doubt anyone could mistake me for a perfectionist, but I know what you mean about the comparison trap! Especially with music, I tend to compare myself to all my amazingly talented friends and become quite aware of my shortcomings. But, being aware of shortcomings can keep one humble, so it's not all bad, right?

    Here's a Bible verse I found on the subject. It can take a while to figure out what it's supposed to mean, but I like it.

    For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. But we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto you. (2 Corinthians 2:12-13)

    Love ya!

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    1. Yeah, humility is the upside. ;)

      Ah thank you! I think I'll have to mull that one over a bit. Most of it's easy to figure out not all...

      Love ya too!

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  3. It is a hard battle. Perfectionism can only go away when you are in Christ. In order to get out of perfectionism, you must get in Christ. You cannot remove without replacing, or else your clean house will be occupied seven-fold. Dearest, I have struggled with this issue my whole life, and I can say that the only way out of bondage is by living in the Spirit every day. Paul said "I die daily." An old hymn's title sums it up for me, "I Need Thee Every Hour." And indeed we do need Him. We need Him every hour.

    Relax. Be anxious for nothing. Go talk to that interesting person and realize that you are not the only head worth living in. It is expedient to remember why you are even on the earth in the first place, assuming you're a Christian (and I did). I am sure the Holy Spirit will not hesitate to help you. Peace!

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    1. I have no idea who you are, Mr. or Miss Anonymous, but thank you for this! God bless. <3

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Thanks for taking the time to comment! Chazak Amats, and have a beautiful day.